


Overelaboration

by abriata



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-23
Updated: 2009-04-23
Packaged: 2017-10-15 19:48:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/164362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abriata/pseuds/abriata
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are things you shouldn't know about people within certain predefined boundaries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Overelaboration

**Author's Note:**

> _Not_ non-con, but sort of hints at it for a while.

Kris doesn't know who first brought it up, one of the late dark nights at the beginning when they still had enough energy for nerves to keep them awake. It lets them push away the sadness that someone else has left them, so tonight they've twice as much grief to hide. All he does know now is Adam's entire dating history, and Adam knows his. And the problem with talking about someone's past relationships is that eventually you work your way forward to the current ones, and the game is beginning to hit too close to home, but there's no way to back out now.

They're sprawled on Kris' bed, looking through Kris' computer and discussing Kris' love life. He does not think this is fair. Nor is it a comfortable situation, seeing as he's curled in a corner against the wall because Adam flopped down first and he isn't good with sharing.

"Okay, I bet I can guess why you liked Katy enough to ask her out when you first met her."

Kris wants to tell Adam it's none of his business, knows it's too late. "Fine, but if you're wrong you have to tell me which one of your boyfriends you first had sex with."

Adam laughs; Kris winces, remembers Adam's social boundaries are considerably wider than his own.

"I think," Adam's looking intently at pictures of him and Katy, and Kris hopes he'd remembered to stick the more embarrassing ones in a folder somewhere else. He'd steal the computer from Adam to check, but that would make Adam actually go looking for personal stuff and Kris isn't good about hiding the things he does with his computer, so Adam would find _everything_. "I think that you met her on campus or at a bar, somewhere public and normal, and you two had the same sense of humor, so you stuck around. Am I right?"

Kris smiles, laughs. It's the first one Adam's gotten completely wrong about him. "Nope. I met her through a friend's girlfriend, and I only asked her out because she was cute."

Adam snorts, rolls onto his back and throws his arm over his eyes. "You're much shallower than I gave you credit for. I think Matt would be proud. Well, except you went for cute and not slutty." And Kris knows Adam's going to tell him tomorrow.

But Adam's not talking, and Kris nudges at him. "Come on, your turn. Which boyfriend did you have sex with first? Adam."

"Hold on, Kris." And Adam's voice sounds funny, past the muffled, weary tones.

Kris pauses, considers. "Why? What's wrong?"

"I'm mourning the part of my soul that shriveled up and died when you revealed your callousness." And Kris tries to shove him off the bed, because really, that was uncalled for. And Adam's laughing at him, which just will not do.

"Adam! Your turn." He sounds like a teenage girl. God. "Who'd you do it with first?"

He looks thoughtful, and Kris knows he's being an ass again because, yeah, the first time you have sex may suck but it's at the very least fucking memorable. "Dude. Spit it out."

Adam rolls his eyes at him. "I'm trying to decide which applies, Kris." He actually sounds irritated, and Kris thinks they're both taking this way too seriously. "I mean, I guess you mean actual fucking, right?"

Kris hadn't thought that far, doesn't draw lines that finely, but supposes it'll do. "Yeah. Sure."

"Fine, but I didn't lose my virginity to the first boyfriend I had sex with, and I'm not going to give you two names for the price of one."

He's working that out in his head, because, sex without a boyfriend? Doesn't ring any bells. Except. "You what, had a one-nighter with some random guy in between boyfriends and that's when you -- "

He can't finish his own sentence, and Adam half-snarls at him, "Yes, okay, whatever. Your turn. Who?"

Kris flushes, knows he's hit a nerve, curiosity still eating at him. "Krissa Bell. Eleventh grade, after," he clears his throat, hates clichés. "After prom."

Adam starts to snicker, and Kris _knows_ he's about to make a comment about Christian straight boys, and blurts, "So, how did you lose it?"

Curiosity has always been one of his worst traits, Kris knows, but he's never really regretted it until right now, when he gets to see Adam looking like he's been caught between actual _pain_ and actual _anger_ , because Adam doesn't do mad, but Kris thinks he is now. "Kris. What the fuck. Why are you so interested? If it's that big of a deal, we're in California, you don't have to live vicariously through my experiences."

And _ouch, that hurt_ but Kris doesn't yell. Doesn't apologize either. And then Adam's clicking through his pictures, quick and furious, and Kris thinks this really isn't his night because Adam's seeing. Those.

"I take back that vicariously thing. I didn't realize you wanted to compare." Adam's voice is expressionless, and Kris is cringing away from both the pictures and the shame.

"I was really, I was drunk, okay?" And it was not his proudest moment and whenever he got angry at Katy he looked at them and told himself he had no right because she was only being a normal wife, husbands and wives fought, everyone knew that. Husbands didn't get drunk the night of their bachelor party and--

"So, I think I have _got_ to know about this." 

"I don't think it's any of your business, okay." 

And he's sliding his computer away, kicking at Adam none too gently, and Adam smiles viciously and tells him, "You saw mine, it's only fair. And hey, if you've got more then so do I."

Kris doesn't know how it's gotten so cruel, so fast but they're both in too deep and they need to stop, because they're going to be roommates for at _least_ another week and hopefully longer than that. "Those don't count, Adam, everyone's seen those. They're public domain." And Kris knows he needs to shut up.

Adam doesn't respond, stalks to his bed, yanks the covers up to his shoulders and faces the wall. Kris wants to laugh at him for his childishness but he can't get rid of the feeling that this is all his fault.

\---

They do a pretty good job the next morning at normalcy, Kris thinks, and also thinks that maybe by tonight they can both laugh it off and be back to normal.

In one of the worst coincidences Kris thinks he's ever encountered, one of his interviews the next day asks about his first girlfriend. Adam decides he's going to tease Kris, he thinks, or he's still more upset than Kris thought, because he leans on Kris (which, okay, is pretty average behavior with all of them) and proceeds to tell them about how he broke up with her to go out with her sister. Her _younger_ sister. Kris admits he's never had the best taste in relationships, maybe, but the whole fucking _world_ doesn't need to know it. He doesn't even know if he's told Katy that, yet, and that's something she'd actually care about. So Kris smiles and laughs, forces himself to, and then turns to Adam and says, "Come on, your turn." And he knows Adam remembers his words last night, too, and he narrows his eyes and glares, and Kris says the worst thing he possibly could and asks, "When did you get your first girlfriend?"

And he knows it was completely uncalled for (mostly) but he doesn't know why Adam's acting like this and a part of him (not small enough) enjoys seeing Adam cringe away with uncertainty because misery loves company, and he thinks (doesn't know) that the game was Adam's idea in the first place.

\---

They don't stop for the rest of the day; it's worse after, isn't pretending to be nice and curious and joking. 

Kris, naturally, was the first one to be called out on it, because Adam isn't supposed to lie (girlfriends) can't tell the truth (boyfriends).

Matt grabbed his arm, more than a little angry, and _loud_. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Kris thought it was rhetorical, like most things that come out of Matt's mouth, and proceeded to stare at him silently, waiting. Wrong decision. "Seriously, dude, what? You just woke up this morning and thought you'd be a jackass?"

"Fuck off. You have no idea, okay?" And he tried to walk away, is yanked back by his arm. " _Matt._ Get off."

"Yeah, Matt. Kris doesn't like guys touching him." And Adam had to walk over, draped himself over Kris' back and Kris thought _he's just earned that earlier comment._

Danny tried to tug Allison away, probably to protect her from this, but she looked confused and mildly interested, like she didn't quite get that there actually was any problem, more than just a bunch of bickering.

Matt gave Adam a _look_. "Okay, fine, whatever, but you two _cannot_ just suddenly go after one another's throats." And he looked like he was gearing up again, but Kris elbowed Adam in the stomach, _hard_ , and Adam backed off and raised his hands apologetically. 

Kris took a deep breath, because, okay, calm, and Adam laughed darkly and looked pointedly at Kris and said, "See? Only if he's astoundingly drunk. You know the type." And Kris would have gone for him, he swears, but Allison drew in this little gasp and Danny yanked at his arm and Matt threw himself between them and told them both to shut the fuck up.

But they have to be together, they're the Top Five, the only ones left, and Kris and Adam cannot get away, stay away. Even were they allowed, he doesn't think they would because he sees in Adam's eyes the perverse amusement, sick pleasure they're both deriving from the vicious circle they've gotten themselves into. They're allowed the remainder of the day to bitch and snipe and be general scum to each other, and they get back to the house and Matt's telling them (Danny's safeguarding what little bit of Allison's virtue they haven't destroyed with their comments about the other's love life) to get their asses into the room and work it out or he'll sic management on them.

\---

Kris throws himself onto his bed, glares at Adam, wants to throw the computer with the offending pictures on it out the window. And then Adam's on his bed, and _what the fuck_ does he think he's doing, because he's got his computer and he's grabbing Kris' and no, just no, haven't they done enough?

He grabs at his computer, fails utterly to tug it away from Adam. "Give me the computer. Please." He doesn't think he could've sounded less polite if he'd tried, wow.

Adam grins at him lopsided and Kris is scared because it looks almost friendly. "Come on, Kris. Hasn't this been fun? I think we should swap stories, like you wanted last night. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours, though yours is really more interesting what with the stifled straight boy routine you pull off so well."

He wants to snap, and break down. He can't do either, he thinks, so he tries to force himself calm and quiet. "What do you want to know? Cause all I really want to know is why you freaked and got all pissed."

Adam laughs, and the mask crumbles again, showing a sour anger and bitterness. "I want to know whether you were married or just engaged when you fucked that guy, because I didn't see a ring along with everything else. And also, does Katy know? Cause I can't really see her being okay with that."

Kris stands, paces, snarls, "It was at my bachelor party, we didn't _actually_ fuck, since you're so big on specificity, no, Katy has no fucking clue and yeah, I know my relationships are always, _always_ wrong on some basic level."

Adam looks at him for a moment, and Kris thinks he's shocked, and that's okay because Kris really didn't mean to say that last bit. And Adam's standing, too, and setting the computers aside. "Fair enough. Your turn."

Kris sighs, wants to run away because the vicious anger is gone and he only wants to sleep and not fight, he hates fighting. "Why the fuck do you care so much that I screwed up and did a guy? Huh? Just that I didn't tell you? Because I have to say, this is ringing a bit like a teenage girl throwing a tantrum that her friend kept a secret."

He can't help the small dig, is thankful when Adam ignores it. "Yeah, I care that you didn't tell me, because it offends me, oh, maybe a _little_ that you're so fucking wrapped up in fitting the stereotypes of happiness that you'll completely bury a _fling_ where you let people film you naked with another _guy._ "

And abruptly, Kris gets it, wants to laugh hysterically because this would fit his pattern of relationships. "You're jealous. Oh my god."

So, out of options, he sits down. Adam just looks at him dangerously and asks, mildly, "Did you ever think about maybe why your relationships were wrong?"

And Kris swears he wants to hurt him, just _hurt_ him, because he had no right, he really didn't, and he's asking the only question he's ever seen hurt Adam the same way. "How'd you lose your virginity?"

"You really are a bastard, aren't you?" Adam shakes his head, laughs, and Kris wishes he was because he can't make himself rejoice at Adam's dejection. "Fine. Fine."

He pauses, paces, Kris is about to snap and yell and leave, never mind Adam and Matt and American Idol, but Adam's telling him, "I don't remember. It's not some deep, dark secret, just. I went out one night, with my boyfriend, my second one, right? And I was like fifteen and in Cali, you know? So, I don't remember. I have no fucking clue."

And yeah, it's not some deep dark secret, like he said, but it's still _sad_ and Kris wants to make it better for him, but he can't, he can't even say he's sorry for his pain because he thinks they're still fighting.

"Well, anything else? Because, honestly? I'm out at this point. Apparently I didn't know you at all, and it's a bit too late now, isn't it?"

Kris stands, steps close, yells, almost. "Oh, it's that simple, is it? I'm married, fucker, what do you expect me to do? And that one thing, one night? That's not me, because it was _one night_ and you're a fucking hypocrite if you think one accident defines me. How dare you? You know me for weeks, _months_ , and because you find out that all your flirting and touching isn't the furthest I've gone with a guy you've suddenly got a right to be pissed? Get over yourself, you're not that fucking special."

And that might have been the wrong thing to say, because Adam shoves him backwards, stands over him when he splays onto the bed, and Kris thinks this is a very disadvantageous situation for him, what with the height difference, but Adam is scoffing at him, not hitting him, so it might still be okay. "Do you really think I'm that shallow? Holy fuck. And tell me, when you fucked around with him, did you grab him because he looked like a girl and you actually misjudged, or was it because he was a guy who looked like a girl and you'd have an excuse to explain it away later? And the pictures? Do you like them that much?"

Kris leans up, hisses, "I keep them to remind myself of what I did to Katy."

"Wrong reason to marry her, Kris."

"That's not why I married her, Adam! I married her because I love her," and he barely gets it out before Adam yanks at his clothes and Kris has no idea what he's doing. "Adam!"

"Calm down, you already pointed out you've done this, I'm just covering old ground." Adam's lips curl up and Kris never wants to see him smile like that again. "And you may love her, but I bet you don't like fucking her. Yeah, you like girls, but all the ones you really like, the ones you talk about hot and heavy? They're the dysfunctional ones, the relationships you said were all so wrong. You _like_ that, thrive on it. You married Katy because she bores you and makes you feel normal and you knew that was safe, and you're _scared shitless._ "

And yeah, he is, but Adam's got his jeans unbuttoned and they've already made it here already, so Kris figures that he can make it two mistakes and apologize to Katy twice every day for the rest of his life, just doesn't want this feeling to stop.

"It makes you feel alive, like singing does but without the effort cause it's natural to you. And Kris, you _liked_ being bitchy and cruel and immature today because it allowed you to let things out and you live your whole damn life so fucking _repressed_."

And then he's being turned on his back and Adam's pressing over him, and Kris doesn't think he's ready for this. "Adam? Don't--"

"I'm not going to _hurt_ you." Adam sounds so infuriated at the suggestion, or at Kris, and either way Kris can't work up the courage to protest again, thinks they're both in too far. So he bites his lip and stays quiet when Adam pulls his jeans off, and hears Adam's clothes zip and snap and rustle and Adam's legs on either side of his and he realizes they're both naked now.

He buries his fingers in the covers, clings, feels wet fingers at his entrance and thinks he's glad he'd gotten over his embarrassment enough to explore his body at least that much. Adam knows it too, though, and Kris is ashamed as Adam laughs and leans over his ear. "Not quite such a virgin, obviously. Toys, or just lots of practice?"

And Kris arches and tries to keep himself from grinding against the bed when the slides to fingers in all the way rough enough that Kris can _feel_ them, all through him, and Adam twists and drags noises from Kris, and he's _this_ close to begging. Adam adds a third and it twinges more than a little but Adam's pulling his fingers out and Kris doesn't think that was enough stretching if he's going to get well and truly fucked for the first time. "Adam!"

He hates how is voice is almost panicked, because he's hard against the mattress, desperate for this more than he would care to admit, and they both know it but he's asking for reassurance from the man who's about to fuck him just to prove. a. point.

"I'm _not_ going to _hurt_ you." And Adam's angry, pulls at Kris' shoulders none to gently, pulls him backwards and yanks and Kris fights against the arranging because it's the only protest he can make himself give, and Adam gives up, grabs his hips, pulls them up and back and Kris feels open and now he doesn't want this to happen.

But Adam's pushing in, and it doesn't hurt, but it burns and Kris wants the feeling but doesn't want this, the pillow twisted in his hands and the bed rough under his knees and Adam's grip bruising on his hips, and he wonders if either of them knew those late night conversations where leading to this. Adam slides in, slow and tight and Kris knows, he _knows_ he should have been stretched more, because he can't force his body to open the way he thinks it should, but he also knows that Adam wants him to feel this, remember this, tomorrow and forever, and the feeling inside him he doesn't think it's ever going to go away. But his breath hitches, because he does, will, _wants_ to remember this, but not. like. _this_.

Adam pulls out, all the way, and Kris hates himself when he moans, because _Adam's_ stopped and why would he ever but he also moans because Adam's _stopped_ and Kris didn't want it like that, but he also didn't want it to _stop_ , and he doesn't know what to do with himself, can't make himself pull away, just lays there with his face hidden, feeling like a coward because he's let Adam do whatever he wants with him.

But Adam's tugging at his shoulders, determinedly, and Kris is rolled over and then Adam lays on top of him and just. Licks at his mouth. And Kris makes a noise, surprise and he knows it's happiness, hopes Adam doesn't because he's sending the worst sort of mixed signals here. So he doesn't blame Adam for pulling away, but when he does pull away from the kiss (their first kiss) -- and it maybe came in the wrong order but -- Adam's meeting his eyes. "Kris. God. Kris," and he gets kissed again, because Adam looks so. So unhappy, and Kris wants this, he really does, but he wants it like.

Like this. And he wiggles, slides himself up the bed a little and they're kissing softly, gently still, tongues and lips and no teeth and soft encouraging noises from both of them, and Adam pulls away slightly again and Kris says, "Adam."

He looks at him, starts to shake his head, and Kris rolls his eyes, snorts, almost giddy, and tells him he's already started it. So Adam's pulling his knees up and apart but he's also looking at him and Kris knows he was looking before, too, but now Kris can see that Adam's looking and it's embarrassing, because he really isn't an exhibitionist, that really was just the alcohol. And Adam's smile and kisses along his legs and stomach tell him that Adam gets that, he does, and Kris regrets that they can't really kiss because Adam's trying to make it easy on his body as he pulls his legs almost up to his shoulders and Kris closes his eyes and Adam slides in, long slow and still tight and this is so much more than Kris ever thought to want, but Adam stays slow when Kris begs him to move because Kris is dying, he thinks, or falling apart and Adam's watching him a little like he's amazing and a lot like he's in love.

Kris flexes his hips, tries to control muscles he's never really felt before, watches Adam's eyes close as he moans and he knows he's smiling and looking foolish because happy and about to come do not mesh well, especially on him, but Adam kisses along his leg again and it really is unbelievable he's coming this fast, because he didn't know there were just so many nerve endings in his body, all flaring like needles up and down his spine, and he's desperate and crying out Adam's name when he comes.

\---

After, they lay close, but not touching. Kris thinks it's funny they can do talking and even sex, but they still can't quite connect; then he tells his sex-addled brain to shut up because that wasn't profound, just loopy. And Adam's looking at him all dark and shit, and Kris doesn't like confrontation, not really, so he jerks forward quickly, too fast, smacks his head into Adam's chin but now they're fit together as best as he can do. And when Adam's arms come around him and arrange his limbs better, he likes knowing that Katy will be his last _wrong_ relationship.


End file.
